Sunday, June 11, 2017

Where have I been over the last two years??

Where have I been over the last two years??


I keep asking myself how much do I divulge here. So many things happened over the course of the last two years. How honest do I want to be? How personal do I want to get? I think that anyone who followed me before and actually paid attention to my Facebook page knows that I was always brutally honest. So why change that now? I feel like after walking away and abandoning my stalkers almost two and a half years ago, I at least owe you an honest explanation. So here goes................


Almost two and a half years ago my life went to shit, if I'm being honest with myself. It was a regular Sunday morning. Wake up, get breakfast for the kids, and work on the blog. As I kissed my husband good bye and we say the every day "I love you's" as he goes about his work day, I didn't know that an hour and a half later I would get an email from him telling me that after fifteen years of being together and fours years of marriage that he needed space to sort out his head and feelings. Pffft.....Ummm, WHAT??? Space???? I was enraged, upset, devastated, hurt, blindsided and heart broken. I mean a fucking email!!!! REALLY!! I wasn't working and was in the process of looking for work and submitting resumes. But at that time, there wasn't much available in my profession. So I thought, I'm fucking screwed and I'm going to lose my apartment, my car, everything. I freaked out. My world literally stopped!


After my husband sent me that email, I had time to think. We barely spoke. He didn't come home. We had our problems and issues like every couple. I couldn't put the whole blame on him. Because quite honestly, I wasn't happy either. Four days later we had a serious discussion and I knew that I had to make a decision. The hardest decision I had to make. I told my husband that I had nothing left to give and I was done. From one day to the next I was suddenly a single mother of three kids and no income. Luckily, we were able to come to an agreement where he would still help financially until I was able to find a job. I shut down. I didn't know if I was coming or going. What was up, what was down. I was lost. Hurt. Broken. Angry. More angry at myself because I knew. I knew deep down that I would end up in that same exact situation I found myself in. Because it wasn't the first time. Stupid, right?! Love makes you do some stupid shit and it keeps those fucking blinders on. You see what you want to see. 


On top of everything else, I had to break the news to my kids. Tell them daddy isn't coming home and will no longer be living with us. My kids were 13, 7 and 1 at the time. Not an easy conversation to have. I threw myself into comforting and supporting my kids and looking for work. Two weeks later I was employed. I took the first job I was offered and my life became work and my kids. Nothing else mattered at the time. I struggled financially, emotionally and mentally. So with an ache in my heart I shut down my blog and I shut everything and everyone out. Determined to move on. 


I wanted to be the bigger person. I lived that childhood where your parents are separated and spew nothing but hate about the other parent. I didn't want that for my kids. I didn't want a hostile environment. I wanted an easy transition and civil co-parenting. Turns out we made much better friends. 

A year and a half post separation, I gave up my apartment after finishing up my lease. The kids and I moved in with my sister for a few months while I saved money to get back on my feet. A month before two year post separation, I closed on a house!!!! I BOUGHT A FUCKING HOUSE!! I was ecstatic. I'm making a home for my kids and myself. It hasn't been easy. It's been a long road. I lost myself along the road somewhere and I was slowing finding myself again.

However, during all this I stopped taking care of myself. My health started to take a turn for the worse. I put myself on the back burner long enough. I've had Hypothyroid for over 10 years now and wasn't really keeping up with it. Two months ago I had to have a biopsy and after two weeks waiting for results I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer.......................FML!!! Not exactly what anyone wants to hear, right?! Fortunately, it's the most curable, they say. Still not a word someone wants to hear. Everyday is still a struggle and then this. You have surgery, get your thyroid removed and a higher dosage of medication for the rest of your life. So, I am currently awaiting surgery. In a little over a week I'll be undergoing the procedure to have my thyroid removed.

So this is where I'm at in my life. But I am determined to get everything back on track. I'm starting to feel like me again and I am ready to grab life by the balls and continue to move forward. My girls and I are in a better place and we're happy. That's what matters. The surgery, the divorce, the financial struggles and everything else are just hurdles that I will fucking jump over like the motherfucking champ that I am and continue trekking on. 

This is my life. This is my story but it is not the end. Just the end of a chapter. 

I'm ready to jump back into life. I've missed blogging. It was one of the things that I truly loved and enjoyed. I'm in a better place now. I have the time to dedicate to what I used to love doing so much. I'm done with letting life and obstacles take over my life. I'm back BITCHES!!! I've made some changes to the blog. One being the name. I changed it from Jennifer to Jenn. Jennifer feels too formal and my friends and family call me Jenn. I always felt like my stalkers were my friends so, Jenn it is! 

You can find me on social media at the links to the right and feel free to sign up via email. I'll be kicking off with a giveaway soon so keep an eye out for that. I'm looking forward to this journey and actively joining the book community again! 

Cheers to the next chapter.....

💜 Always, 
Jenn

5 comments:

  1. Wow, what a story and good for you for what you've done! All the best for your op and I really hope that your life continues to get better and better! Welcome back!

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